Picture Envy: It's Official

As I was blog hopping this morning, checking out all the ones I follow, I finally admitted to defeat.  I've been battling the feeling for weeks, and today I just decided to come clean. Admit I have a problem.
Picture envy.

I know... I know...that envy is not a good thing in any form.  Yet, as I scroll through these blogs I feel like a flat-chested 12 year old at the bra store. 
I know it will happen eventually but I want it now!
It's a nice envy, friends.  I'm glad your pictures are so beautiful, fun, crisp, clear, and...
heck, I'm just glad you HAVE pictures on your blog.

I'm starting to feel as if I'm in the Witness Protection Program.  I'm the blogger without a face.  The one that shows up in your Following list with an anonymous chalk outline for my profile pic.
 The one that's just a little bit creepy.

I am going to have pictures!  Really, and truly, and cross my heart.  I just need my husband to be home long enough to help me figure out this new program installation, printer, and such. 
He seems to think it's more important that he's earning a living.  Hmmm....go figure!
Seriously, he does want to help me.  Our goal is this weekend.

Until then, I'll keep on being the creeper soaking up  inspiration from all of your lovely photos.
I'll try to keep the envy to a minimum.
Picture Envy. 
Who would've known?

Be blessed~
Kristi


PS  Big thanks to those of you who stop by, "see" me (so to speak), even leave a comment or two and never mention my flat-chested picture-less state! :)

Singing the Sunday Night Blues

     I'm so glad that it's 12:30 am on a Monday morning because that means that Sunday night is over! Why, you may ask, does that make me happy? I'm happy because the dreaded Sunday night "blues" are over...for another week.  Can I get an "amen"?! 
  
    I wonder if other households, all around the world, experience this phenomenon. The "blues" are sneaky. We can be experiencing a beautiful Sunday together, full of dinners with Grammy and Papa, playing games (or watching games depending on the sports season), walking outside, or any of the other "Sunny Sunday" things we like to do. But then comes... 
the witching hour.

   The "blues" appear in different forms depending on the age of the infected.  My husband usually starts with a small frown....just a slight furrowing of the brow accompanied with a  downward turn of his lips. Seeing the signs, I ask, "Is anything wrong, honey?".
To which he promptly replies, "No...why do you ask?" 
See! Those "blues" are so stealth he doesn't even realize he's contracted them yet. But I see it...the quietness, the vacant stare, the wandering around the house. He's got it bad.

   My oldest son starts to exhibit his infection by looking out the window frequently and checking the weather report every 10 minutes. All of a sudden I become a "bookie" answering his questions.  "Mom, what do you think the odds are that we'll get enough snow for a snow day?" & "Mom, what do you think the odds are that we will get a cold day? Like, how low does the temperature actually have to drop?" It feels like Vegas every Sunday night...without the fun!

  Number two son shows the "blues" by reporting actual physical symptoms. This usually begins with a cough, or maybe a hand held to his stomach, and possibly even a run to the bathroom...just for extra drama. He's being thoughtful you see. He's preparing me for the 3 am text he will send saying he hasn't been able to sleep and he is reaaalllly sick, and he's not faking, and he realllly needs to stay home from school. I have begun to require an actual viewing of the vomit before I grant his request.  

  Last, but not least, is the girl child. Her blues are hard to detect because they get all mixed in with the "moody 13 year old hormones" so I'm not quite sure WHAT I'm dealing with till I look at the calender. Her eye rolls are just a bit more emphatic, her voice just a tad higher, and her tendency to realize that she has homework that she HAS to do NOW..on a Sunday evening...at 9:00 pm....and that she has a certain shirt that she HAS to have washed by tomorrow...and that she HAS to..well, you get the picture. Those are certain signs that another one bites the dust.

  I'm starting to think that I need to escape...and Sunday evening would be just about the most perfect time ever! I love my family, I truly do, but when the "Sunday Night Blues" start drifting through our house...I think it's time for mama to drift on out the door.  They'll be ok...really they will! They have each other, and if there is one thing the "blues" love, it's company.

  As for me, I think it's only being a prudent mom to keep my distance...just to make sure I don't go down with it. So if you need me on a Sunday night, don't come knocking on the door. They are all quarantined in there. Instead, grab a glass and a bottle of wine and meet me in the garage. We'll stay healthy out there..together!

(Can anyone guess what kind of Sunday evening I had? Yep, I thought you could!)

   

    

Wonder? Really?

I wonder why this is hard?
Did I use all my words
In a week full of writing?
Discouragement finds me critical...of myself.
Write six words...only six words!
How hard can that be? Untalented!
Lacking! Stupid! Just give it up!
Stubbornness is a legacy from mom
So I sit defiantly and type.
Nothing profound, still hearing negative voice
Yet, the word sings within me.
Wonder is a wonder unto itself.
I wonder why I don't quit?
Because I know there's wonder surrounding.
Sparkling, beckoning, singing it's lyrical song.
Even when eyes don't see it.
Even when ears don't hear it.
Wonder is there, always and forever.
For truly, It's A Wonderful World.

(Yay! Stubbornness overcame lack of confidence.
Thank you, beautiful mom, for perseverance.
Now I'm returning to warm bed.
A snow day! Relaxation! Rest! Wonder.)

Inspired by:  Making Things Up~ Word of the week was "wonder".
                    6 Word Friday

To Move Or Not To Move? This Is The Question....

What would it take for you to get up and move?
                                   ~Mama Kat's Workshop

Hmmmm....not a whole lot!
I should have prefaced that by saying I absolutely love raising my children where we are and have never regretted giving them these past 10 years to visit grandparents, experience small town living and put down roots.
What can beat the feeling of a Friday night football game in a small town? (don't answer that!)

My husband and I grew up in this little town but we left for many years.  15 years for me to be exact.  We chose to move back out of love but I'm starting to experience a problem now....
itchy feet and the yearning for adventure. 
The  most amazing thing about this is that I am a homebody.  I'm not fond of changes in any form.

But I've had a taste of that adventure, and I lived to tell.

14 years ago we packed our belongings and children (we didn't actually pack them!) and moved to a little village outside of Zurich, Switzerland.

We lived there for 4 years....experiencing Europe on "The Toddler Tour"!  Our children were 5, 3, and 5 months old when we headed back to the Old Country leaving all of our relatives (and potential babysitters) behind.  So anything Denny and I saw, the kiddos also saw! 
It was crazy...and I mean...Crazy with a capital C!  Many stories to share about the culture shock we experienced...most of them hilarious.

But I digress.

The original question remains...What would it take for you to get up and move?
 Two answers...depending on the day.

Reality based:  Aging parents we love, teenagers to graduate, jobs, roots that need to grow deeper for just a bit longer. We stay here.

Fantasy based:  I'd be on a plane with my sweethearts in a minute....ready to breathe it all in and shine it back out.  The adventure, the excitement, the growing, and the joy...even the tears and homesick moments...I'd take it all.

But for now... I will turn on the Travel Channel, mix up a mojito, slice up some Swiss cheese served with  French bread.
 I can have my virtual cross-cultural moments right here, right now.... until God decides it's time for us to pack 'em up and move 'em out!

Ugliness Transformed Through Grace

*Describe a time when you saw something ugly, then found the beauty*


I see

 Machines, tubes, coils of wire, and a plastic box that holds a little being, a little soul, a little life.

A tiny needle pierces her soft scalp, tape on her face firmly holding the tube inserted down her throat.

I hear

 Electronic sounds that swoosh and beep, echoing through my entire body. No cry from my babe whos vocal cords are stretched by a ventilator...only tears tracing a path down her face. Silent wailing.

I smell

   The sharp antiseptic smell that reminds me not to touch anything...my nose twitches. The sweet fragrance of newborn skin absent.

I feel. 

 My hands tingle, spots of red where I scrubbed hard, trying to scour away any trace of bacteria, disease, possible infection that I carry just by the sheer fact I'm living.

 Tears, stinging my eyes and a throat impossibly tight with the effort of holding back sobs.

 My hands pressed against the smooth, hard plastic that separates us...for the first time in 9 months.

Being wheeled into the room, my postpartum brain only an hour old, my senses are assaulted. 

 I see, hear, smell, and feel.
Ugliness...pain...death....grief. 

 This is not where I am supposed to be.  

Somehow this ship docked in a different port. Not the sun warmed beach of my intended destination. Instead I've been washed onto the land of a frozen, cold foreign place......and I am sad,confused and angry. "I am not supposed to be here!" is the wail that longs to escape from my  mouth.

Ugly.

God's grace sweeps in ...without my invitation...and alters my senses.

I see. 

 Machines, tubes and coils of wire that sustain life for my babe. 

 Blue eyes that are impossibly large on a rounded face. Rosebud mouth, tiny nose, ten fingers, ten toes, seashell pink ears.

Other mothers eyes that hold mine in empathy.

I hear.

Steady beat of a heart, breath being breathed into tiny lungs, murmuring medical voices, soft lullaby falling from my lips.

I smell.

 Cleanliness...freshness....purity....life.

I feel.

Thankfulness for the medical care that surrounds, comforted by the caring nurses.

Blessed by the wonder of our newest miracle, and cradled by the wings of my guardian angel.

Beauty.

Promise transforms into ugliness which contains beauty. 

Seeing with our heart, with faith eyes, the beauty that is always there.

Sometimes hidden.... but always there.

Inspired by: The Red Dress Club
Shared on:  Poetry Potluck

*That "little babe" is now a healthy, happy, sweet, and sassy 13 year old. (in case anyone was wondering)  :)

Sabbath: 2011

Just the word.....Sabbath....brings back memories... of Little House on the Prairie and The Waltons.  It also makes me remember one of my favorite books, All Of a Kind Family, which featured a Jewish family living their lives on New York's Upper East Side before the outbreak of WWI. 

To me that fact alone shows me that I view the Sabbath as something old fashioned...not relevant to my world today.....and that makes me sad.  I think the word Sabbath is a beautiful one.  A word that invokes feelings of peace, dinners shared with extended family, honor, and ......guilt.  Ahhh yes, guilt! Because I know in the pace of our life we don't seem to embrace the Sabbath as we should.

Too many times our family Sabbath is a time of catching up on chores....shopping....preparing for the next week.....just plain ole' busyness. Or we separate. Each of us finds an activity that we like, and we retreat to our corners (or various rooms as it may be) to engage in the alone... for hours... alone!  It's easy to live this type of Sabbath  because it is how most of the people around us celebrate it.  Yes, we do go to church in the morning...and sometimes even do another church related activity. But is that really at the heart of what God said when He commanded us to "Honor the Sabbath Day"? 

In my world of  "do it all, be all, and help all" I think I've lost what the heart of the Sabbath is.  In my world I don't even call it the Sabbath but rather Sunday...another day of the week.  And that makes me sad....because, deep in my heart, I know it's more than that.

I don't want to romanticize it, make it another "event" that I have to shine up or perform within. I definitely don't want to make it an empty ritual that I feel guilt-ridden about. I just want to feel it....and in taking the time to be in the moment, really feel it, I believe I will feel God Himself. I will be at communion with Him...and be able to receive the very refreshment He longs to give me.

This sounds very pretty....and even pretty religious.  But that's not what I'm striving for.  I want to be practical, real, authentic.  I want to experience the Sabbath in the year 2011...right now...not like the Waltons or the Ingels. I want to experience it as Kristi....with my husband and unpredictable teenagers.  As simple as that sounds I'm a little lost as to what this means.  Maybe I need to pray more on it...read a bit more...and really let God teach me what that means.

Taking back control of our Sundays...our Sabbaths isn't going to be easy.  But then nothing really worth having is.  My Sabbath dream is just that ....a dream of cozy family dinners after church...of a day without the interruptions of texting, phones, computers, televisions and all the other  things that can come between real human to human contact...a day of prayer and play...a day of walking closer with Him and letting Him fill me up with His wonder....a day of connection.

I've seen books on this topic and although I don't want to hide in another "how-to" book I must admit that books inspire me! So I'm debating on ordering this one....or maybe this one...or this one....or...

See how easy it is for me to let activity take over the process of just being?!
 No answers today...just questions..
.but maybe, just maybe,
 God is smiling
 because I'm taking the time to ask them.

Might or Might?

Might...a word that swallows much.
Minutes, days, years, siphons off joy.
Indecision in such a subtle form.
"Might" rather than "do"?  Life smothered.

Might...a word that signifies strength.
Energy, confidence, fortitude to fly high.
Unlimited horizons...dreaming with purpose, courage
"Might" rather than  "powerlessness"?  Life celebrated.

The choice is ours...each day.

~Inspired by: Six Word Fridays, Making Things Up~ Word for the week "might".

First Follower

I have a follower....can I get an AMEN?! That's it... just had to share the joy!

Thanks for listening!

Week of Inspiration

What inspired you this week?
            ~Mama Kat's Workshop



Hmmmm...I had quite a bit inspire me this week. Although I may not have a lot to show for it I have so many ideas bouncing around my head!

I'm new to this blogging world so like any tourist I've been busy running around...trying to see all the sites I can...following the blogs that I know I want to come back to again and again...then spending endless time clicking on link after link after link....  

"...and go round and  round and round....in the circle game...."   Joni Mitchell

Sooo...here's my top 4 list for the week....drumroll please!

1.       I was VERY inspired by this! Love, love, love it!! Did I mention that I loooovvve it!?  Alas, loving something so much does not necessarily give me the confidence to attempt it myself....but I'm seriously thinking about it.  The idea of a gallery wall that includes photos and words is MY idea of perfection. This is definitely on my "inspiration list"!
2.      This book has been a very new inspiration since I just purchased it 2 days ago. I have, however, read the first 4 chapters, and I can safely say that I'm motivated to live my everyday life with eucharisteo~ grace, thanksgiving, joy.  (and I'm also inspired to make my own list of 1000 gifts!)
3.       I have been stalking  visiting this blog.  Creating a mini-destination while using what I already had in my home really inspired me.  I drafted my big, strong son and his friend to bring down an unused table from our bonus room.  I nestled it in our great room next to the stone fireplace. Pulled up one of my favorite big, overstuffed chairs and placed upon the table a pretty lamp with a pull chain, a plaque featuring a quote I love, a stack of my grandparents/parents old books, a globe set high on a silver base, and my laptop computer.  Voila! I now have a beautiful writing  nook...someplace where I can sit, dream, write, & create. The reason I tried to paint a word picture  is because I still don't know how to upload photos to my new computer and blog!!  I long to post some photos so those of you who stop by can see I'm real...with a real home...and real dirty dishes!  Someday my photos will come....(sing to the tune of  "Someday My Prince Will Come..")
4.      Finally, the soundtrack of my week has been this.  I have loved Lori McKenna for years! Her simplicity and the beautiful reality of her songwriting inpires ME to be simple, beautiful, and real.  Take a listen if you can. She is musical poetry.

There, my friends, is what inspired  ME this week.  How about YOU?



The Beauty of Each Moment

Whoop Whoop!!  I'm excited!

When I started reading One Thousand Gifts yesterday I thought I'd be reading it

alone.

Which is fine....that's how I usually read.

But then this morning as I was checking the blogs I follow I realized that (in)courage has an

AWESOME

book discussion going!

And the cool thing is that the author, Ann Voskamp, is part of it.

Listening to her and the other women discuss her words..her lessons learned....has made the book come

alive

for me.

I have read, underlined, written, starred, and "heart-ed" my way through the first 3 chapters already.

The book club is on chapter 8....but that's ok.

I'm just going back to the older posts and proceeding at my own speed.

So now I don't feel so

alone.

So now God is able to speak to my heart, not only through the beautifully written words,

but

also through the laughter-producing, tear-jerking video clips and posts.

I feel as if I have just made some new friends to journey
along with...

so with that said...

One Thousand Gifts

1. a beautiful book speaking words of grace, thanksgiving and joy

How about you? Are any of you out there taking part in this wonderful journey? Let me know....  :)