Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Ugliness Transformed Through Grace

*Describe a time when you saw something ugly, then found the beauty*

I see
 Machines, tubes, coils of wire, and a plastic box that holds a little being, a little soul, a little life.
A tiny needle pierces her soft scalp, tape on her face firmly holding the tube inserted down her throat.
I hear
 Electronic sounds that swoosh and beep, echoing through my entire body. No cry from my babe whos vocal cords are stretched by a ventilator...only tears tracing a path down her face. Silent wailing.
I smell
   The sharp antiseptic smell that reminds me not to touch nose twitches. The sweet fragrance of newborn skin absent.
I feel
 My hands tingle, spots of red where I scrubbed hard, trying to scour away any trace of bacteria, disease, possible infection that I carry just by the sheer fact I'm living.
 Tears, stinging my eyes and a throat impossibly tight with the effort of holding back sobs.
 My hands pressed against the smooth, hard plastic that separates us...for the first time in 9 months.

Being wheeled into the room, my postpartum brain only an hour old, my senses are assaulted. 
 I see, hear, smell, and feel.
 This is not where I am supposed to be.  
Somehow this ship docked in a different port. Not the sun warmed beach of my intended destination. Instead I've been washed onto the land of a frozen, cold foreign place......and I am sad,confused and angry. "I am not supposed to be here!" is the wail that longs to escape from my  mouth.


God's grace sweeps in ...without my invitation...and alters my senses.

I see
 Machines, tubes and coils of wire that sustain life for my babe. 
 Blue eyes that are impossibly large on a rounded face. Rosebud mouth, tiny nose, ten fingers, ten toes, seashell pink ears.
Other mothers eyes that hold mine in empathy.
I hear.
Steady beat of a heart, breath being breathed into tiny lungs, murmuring medical voices, soft lullaby falling from my lips.
I smell.
I feel.
Thankfulness for the medical care that surrounds, comforted by the caring nurses.
Blessed by the wonder of our newest miracle, and cradled by the wings of my guardian angel.


Promise transforms into ugliness which contains beauty. 
Seeing with our heart, with faith eyes, the beauty that is always there.
Sometimes hidden.... but always there.

Inspired by: The Red Dress Club
Shared on:  Poetry Potluck

*That "little babe" is now a healthy, happy, sweet, and sassy 13 year old. (in case anyone was wondering)  :)


  1. Beautifull ! I read this step by step, holding my breath so thankful that your little babe is now 13 and healthy and happy. Beautiful, Kristi.

  2. I have chills. Everywhere. This was gorgeous and important and heart wrenching and...*Sigh* You nailed it.

  3. Nicely done! Powerful words. And I love that she's now a sassy 13 year old :-)

  4. Powerful indeed. I really enjoyed this. I've joined to follow your site.

  5. I held my breath through this whole post. Love you.

  6. Your words showed what only a mother can; speaking from your heart and not just your lips.

  7. Whew. Talk about a roller coaster ride! I was praying somewhere in my heart throughout this that the ending was a happy one - and clearly, it was. Thank you for sharing this!!!

  8. So glad everything worked out! (I had a little trouble following the story with the type centered.) TRDC

  9. Very expressive! Glad your dream came true...:)JP

  10. Love this! These posts are making me cry this week. Beautiful. I loved the way you formatted it.

  11. Wow. This was so powerful! My niece was born at 28 weeks and I can remember thinking the NICU unit looked like something out of a sci fi movie. Thanks to the amazing care she had she's now a 16-year-old dynamo.

  12. I came over from the TRDC – and I heart this! God’s grace and how I flooded all of your senses. You put me in the moment – I can feel it. This is just pure inspiration:

    Promise transforms into ugliness which contains beauty. Seeing with our heart, with faith eyes, the beauty that is always there. Sometimes hidden.... but always there.

    So good – so good.

    God Bless and keep you and all of yours.

  13. Those are the moments when we praise the gift of second chances. This poem is heart wrenching and also beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

  14. wow...this is so beautiful, the words flew so angelic one after the other...its a masterpice..
    happy potluck


Leave a comment & make me smile!