Ugliness Transformed Through Grace

*Describe a time when you saw something ugly, then found the beauty*


I see

 Machines, tubes, coils of wire, and a plastic box that holds a little being, a little soul, a little life.

A tiny needle pierces her soft scalp, tape on her face firmly holding the tube inserted down her throat.

I hear

 Electronic sounds that swoosh and beep, echoing through my entire body. No cry from my babe whos vocal cords are stretched by a ventilator...only tears tracing a path down her face. Silent wailing.

I smell

   The sharp antiseptic smell that reminds me not to touch anything...my nose twitches. The sweet fragrance of newborn skin absent.

I feel. 

 My hands tingle, spots of red where I scrubbed hard, trying to scour away any trace of bacteria, disease, possible infection that I carry just by the sheer fact I'm living.

 Tears, stinging my eyes and a throat impossibly tight with the effort of holding back sobs.

 My hands pressed against the smooth, hard plastic that separates us...for the first time in 9 months.

Being wheeled into the room, my postpartum brain only an hour old, my senses are assaulted. 

 I see, hear, smell, and feel.
Ugliness...pain...death....grief. 

 This is not where I am supposed to be.  

Somehow this ship docked in a different port. Not the sun warmed beach of my intended destination. Instead I've been washed onto the land of a frozen, cold foreign place......and I am sad,confused and angry. "I am not supposed to be here!" is the wail that longs to escape from my  mouth.

Ugly.

God's grace sweeps in ...without my invitation...and alters my senses.

I see. 

 Machines, tubes and coils of wire that sustain life for my babe. 

 Blue eyes that are impossibly large on a rounded face. Rosebud mouth, tiny nose, ten fingers, ten toes, seashell pink ears.

Other mothers eyes that hold mine in empathy.

I hear.

Steady beat of a heart, breath being breathed into tiny lungs, murmuring medical voices, soft lullaby falling from my lips.

I smell.

 Cleanliness...freshness....purity....life.

I feel.

Thankfulness for the medical care that surrounds, comforted by the caring nurses.

Blessed by the wonder of our newest miracle, and cradled by the wings of my guardian angel.

Beauty.

Promise transforms into ugliness which contains beauty. 

Seeing with our heart, with faith eyes, the beauty that is always there.

Sometimes hidden.... but always there.

Inspired by: The Red Dress Club
Shared on:  Poetry Potluck

*That "little babe" is now a healthy, happy, sweet, and sassy 13 year old. (in case anyone was wondering)  :)

Week of Inspiration

What inspired you this week?
            ~Mama Kat's Workshop



Hmmmm...I had quite a bit inspire me this week. Although I may not have a lot to show for it I have so many ideas bouncing around my head!

I'm new to this blogging world so like any tourist I've been busy running around...trying to see all the sites I can...following the blogs that I know I want to come back to again and again...then spending endless time clicking on link after link after link....  

"...and go round and  round and round....in the circle game...."   Joni Mitchell

Sooo...here's my top 4 list for the week....drumroll please!

1.       I was VERY inspired by this! Love, love, love it!! Did I mention that I loooovvve it!?  Alas, loving something so much does not necessarily give me the confidence to attempt it myself....but I'm seriously thinking about it.  The idea of a gallery wall that includes photos and words is MY idea of perfection. This is definitely on my "inspiration list"!
2.      This book has been a very new inspiration since I just purchased it 2 days ago. I have, however, read the first 4 chapters, and I can safely say that I'm motivated to live my everyday life with eucharisteo~ grace, thanksgiving, joy.  (and I'm also inspired to make my own list of 1000 gifts!)
3.       I have been stalking  visiting this blog.  Creating a mini-destination while using what I already had in my home really inspired me.  I drafted my big, strong son and his friend to bring down an unused table from our bonus room.  I nestled it in our great room next to the stone fireplace. Pulled up one of my favorite big, overstuffed chairs and placed upon the table a pretty lamp with a pull chain, a plaque featuring a quote I love, a stack of my grandparents/parents old books, a globe set high on a silver base, and my laptop computer.  Voila! I now have a beautiful writing  nook...someplace where I can sit, dream, write, & create. The reason I tried to paint a word picture  is because I still don't know how to upload photos to my new computer and blog!!  I long to post some photos so those of you who stop by can see I'm real...with a real home...and real dirty dishes!  Someday my photos will come....(sing to the tune of  "Someday My Prince Will Come..")
4.      Finally, the soundtrack of my week has been this.  I have loved Lori McKenna for years! Her simplicity and the beautiful reality of her songwriting inpires ME to be simple, beautiful, and real.  Take a listen if you can. She is musical poetry.

There, my friends, is what inspired  ME this week.  How about YOU?