Tuesday, October 11, 2011

At Least For Today

I wake up to the alarm...beeping incessantly.
My head tightening in that familiar ache...Migraine Day.
Shuffling in the semi~dark I find my pills and swallow.
But at least for today I can administer this medication on my own.
No nurse wearing plastic gloves as she places toxic fluid marked with a warning label into my veins.

Waking up the kids who don't want to wake I see the dirty dishes piled in the sink and overflowing onto the surrounding counter.
Messes are in every room. Every. Room.
But at least for today my muscles have strength and I can clean.

Kids calling to me. Putting voice to their needs.
"Please turn the dryer on wrinkle release, Mom!"
"Can you make my lunch?"
"Mine too!"
"Leaving my uniform here. Please bring it to the Ortho. appt."
"Remember mom...you're working concession stand tonight!"
"Where's all the stuff you made for bake sale today?!"
Listening I can feel the headache band tighten.
But at least for today I can meet these needs. I don't have to reassure them that mommy won't die today.

The scent of peanut butter and  the bright lights of the kitchen make me nauseous.
Feel the rolling of my stomach.
But at least for today I know this will pass. Nausea won't be my daily companion.

Throwing on my sweats, I cringe as I catch a glance in the mirror.
Bed head hair, dark circled eyes, and bigger than desired body.
Wondering how I can blend in so nobody sees me as I drive to school.
But at least for today I have hair, and my body isn't wasting away from disease.

Tasks and thoughts tumbling through my head.
To do lists forming, growing longer and some panic creeping in.
How will I can all this done today...especially with this migraine?
But at least for today I'm not riding to a CAT scan to find out if my tumor is shrinking or continuing to grow.

Perspective is always something that is needed.
My friend Carrie is going through all of my "but at least for today thoughts".
So although I can't rip this tumor out of her... I can't rid her body of this horrible disease...
At least for today I can pray for her.
At least for today I can love her.
At least for today I can do all I need to do in honor of her because for at least today she isn't able to do these things

**These are the thoughts in my head...unedited.  Carrie, a wife and mom of 2 young children is fighting a battle with advanced cancer. She is so loved. She is so needed. Today is her CAT scan. She's had 8 weeks of chemo with 10 more weeks to go.  If you are someone who prays I ask you to please send up a prayer for her although you don't know her. She has dark hair, blue eyes and a beauty of both face and spirit that lights up a room.  She is a prayer warrior and prays for countless others every day.  I'm asking that the prayers be for her today. Thank you so much to all who can pray.

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  1. This broke my heart. I have a lot of prayers and thoughts to spare and they are all going out to Carrie and her family!

  2. Carrie and her family are in my thoughts. What a beautiful testament to your friendship!

  3. Kristi,
    I found this entry through Heather's Just Write link-up. I just prayed for you and for Carrie. I will continue to do so as both or either of you come to mind. Lots of love,

  4. Prayers ~ of course. Throughout the day. On my daughter's day I will pray that she gets to sit at her children's weddings...thoughts to all of you who love and care for her too.

  5. I do not even know what to say...I will pray for her, I will think of her. What a powerful piece. What an amazing friend you are. Life is about perspective isn't it. It is all put into perspective when someone so very close to you is going through something like this! Again, lots of prayers and what a lucky person she is to have such a thoughtful, loving friend. -Laverne visiting from Just.Be.Enough link up

  6. Prayers for Carrie.
    And yes, perspective! The daily grind is so hard, and then we think of people who miss it because of so many awful things and suddenly it seems like a gift.

    Thank you!

  7. Hello and thank you for joining the Planet Weidknecht Weekend Hop. I'm following you and hope to see you again this weekend.

  8. a beautiful post - I'm sending up prayers for your friend and prayers for you to keep being the friend she needs right now.

  9. I pray Carrie gets well !!!! Beautiful post, Kristi.

  10. Hope she gets well, such an awful disease, wish they'd stop being so money hungry and get rid of it already.

  11. Oh my goodness, so raw. I was right there with you.


  12. this was just what i needed tonight...if you make it by my place you will realize i just found one this week...heading to the doc tomorrow...so i feel a bit what she must...prayers to her...

  13. so much to be thankful for even when not everything is going so well...sorry for your friend and prayers her way...glad she got a friend like you...

  14. I felt like I was watching this all unfold before me. "Perspective is always something that is needed" - So true. This was an important reminder. I am praying for Carrie and also for you.

  15. Perspective. Praying for Carrie tonight.

  16. Prayers are with you..in sickness or in health we have to carry on.

  17. So sad. It does make you feel so grateful for what you have. Thank you for sharing. Thank you, too, for visiting at my site!

  18. The pressures of daily life are quickly put in perspective here. Well written, and best hopes and wishes for your gallant friend.

  19. This is so sad and yet so lovely I will send prayers her way and hope that her battle is a success for all and especially her family

  20. Perspective is a wonderful and terrible thing, isn't it? My 3 yr old nephew is fighting cancer, so I think many of these same thoughts you do as I go through my days and think about him and my sister who can only hold his hand through it all. I'm praying for your friend and her family.

  21. I pray for Carrie and all those who are close to her...

    stolen moments

  22. Stumbled onto your blog through "Things I can't Say". What a beautiful spirit you have and Carried is so blessed to have you as a friend. She will be remembered in our prayers. Thank you for sharing.


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