Monday, February 11, 2013

A Bit of Reality

I notice that as I look back many of my blog posts
are tinged with bittersweet~ness.
I bit of sadness just edged around the corners.
Especially when I write about my children.
And that fact alone makes me a bit sad.
There are still many moments of happiness.
Moments of pride...moments of joy...moments of pure love.
Yet there are other moments that weren't there 20 years ago.
So many of the moms I see blogging
are at the stage where the children are little,
snuggled around them,
still under the umbrella of mom.
Yet, I began blogging when my children were teenagers...
some of them now adults...
and it has been a different experience
I wish I had a record of those days of Play-Do, Pop-Rocks,
Power Rangers and princesses.
Those years had difficult times but in retrospect it seemed easier.
The laughter was easier to capture. 
The innocence much more evident.
My posts now deal with the letting go.
It's a joyful process for me.
It's a painful process for me. 
I do have other things in my life that fulfill me
yet for some reason letting go of my children
has been a bit anxiety-ridden.
It's also a time that many of the big topics...
like pot smoking,
less than stellar grades,
lack of faith in God,
unplanned pregnancy,
unsafe driving, 
peer pressure,
eating disorders...
can make an appearance. 
Maybe not all of them....and maybe not to everyone. 
But some of them have made an appearance in my parenting world
 and I must say I don't like it. 
And if I was honest...
I don't know if I'm doing a good job at handling it.
When your kids make the right choice...the choice that lets them soar and shine...your heart sings.
Its easy to rejoice and revel in their their their lives.
Other people are happy for you...
they congratulate you...
you are modest yet deep inside you bask in that glow.
Yet the other side of the coin. 
Those things that I mentioned....
they are often unmentionables. 
Parents don't want to share that side of their children.
A Christmas card perfect family is the ideal
and oftentimes the expectation in our competition driven society.
They don't want anyone to think less of the loves of their life.
Even if the parents know that other people know about the darker side...
they usually choose not to speak.
And that silence is deafening.
And isolating.
And sad.
Judgement is pervasive. 
The thought that poor decisions are contagious. 
The belief that poor parenting is the cause...
for of course it MUST be the way the kids were parented.
It's easier to blame it on the parenting because you can then have that sense of security that you parent much better and those unmentionables won't happen to you. 
It is such a false sense of security.
For you can look at
3 different children,
or 6 different  children,
or 10 different children....
all raised by the same parents
and they will each be an individual. 
They will each make their own choices.
There are some families who seem to never experience the unmentionables.
Maybe they ARE better parents than the rest of us.
Or maybe luck has just smiled down on them a little more during this stage.
But the stress of knowing that your big kids
make big mistakes.
Mistakes that can change their future
is overwhelming at times.
At least to me.
I'm thinking I"m not alone.
Yet I can't help but hold on to these thoughts.
The joy still far outweighs the pain.
My kids need to write their own stories.
The twists and falls will help them become
who God means for them to be.
The good and loving hearts that they pocess
 will always prevail in the end.


  1. I, too, would love to have been blogging when the kids were little....and to have that amazing collection of recorded memories! I, too, have been breathing through the highs and lows of letting go. I, too, have faced some of the 'unmentionable' issues as we parent. I, too, wrestle, wonder, lay awake...yup...all of it. I think the most difficult thing about this late teen/young adult stage is the lack of grace, acceptance, compassion that I've felt family to family. Even (especially?) "Christian" family towards other "Christian" families. It seems that instead of lighting the way and showing a beacon of grace/support/kindness to ourselves, others, others' children and families...we get light headed on some supposed moral high ground and loose our Christian way. We become even MORE judgmental...I feel a blog post coming on... :-) From one mom of young adults to another - I get it. I feel it. The only thing I've known to "do about it" is to work so very hard to be the light I want to show the grace, kindness and acceptance that I hope for my children and my family. Hugs.

  2. Wow! Such a beautiful response! Thank you Adrienne. I agree with your words also. I'm not sure where this post came from but it seemed to spring from my heart yesterday. I had reservations about posting something so vulnerable. But my word(s) for 2013 is "dare greatly" so I took the leap and hit the post button. The fact that you read, related, and responded to my heart makes it so worth it!

  3. Haven't see a post from you for a couple weeks :) hope all is well.


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