Just Write....I love this link up!
There's no topic to choose....just me and my words flowing out however I want. That is such freedom!
I love it....yet then I sit and ponder what I should write.
Thus, the dilemma.
I've learned that I like directions.
I like to color within the lines.
I'm happy to be the worker bee following along with whatever the queen bee dictates.
This is fine in some situations. It's a quality that makes me a good team member. I'm easy to get along with because making waves is not what I do.
And, hey, we can't all be the queens....those worker bees are pretty fantastic!
Yet, some days I know this characteristic holds me back, and too much freedom paralyzes me sometimes.
When I have a whole day ahead of me...and I know I have things to be done but I can choose when and how I do them?
Those are the days that I often accomplish the least.
Because there aren't any directions.
There are no lines for me to color within...so I scribble all over and don't create much.
But it's not the lack of lines that is the problem.
It's the lack of faith I have in myself.
If I can take freedom and embrace it.
Let it open my heart and split my spirit wide.
Let go of the ever present need to perform and please.
Draw my own lines to help me stay on track.
I know I could soar more....and embrace the power that I often forget I have within.
I'm finding it a bit easier to do this as I age.
Maybe that's God's way of making up for the sagging body and stray gray hairs.
He's allowing me to gain wisdom...to be more confident in the person He created me to be.
His grace is helping me realize that "who cares?" if my endeavors measure up to anyone else's.
Open up the big girl crayon box and color away...that's what I'm going to embrace today!
Linking up with: The Extraordinay Ordinary ~ Just Write
Linking up with: Things I Can't Say
Showing posts with label lessons learned. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lessons learned. Show all posts
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
At Least For Today
I wake up to the alarm...beeping incessantly.
My head tightening in that familiar ache...Migraine Day.
Shuffling in the semi~dark I find my pills and swallow.
But at least for today I can administer this medication on my own.
No nurse wearing plastic gloves as she places toxic fluid marked with a warning label into my veins.
Waking up the kids who don't want to wake I see the dirty dishes piled in the sink and overflowing onto the surrounding counter.
Messes are in every room. Every. Room.
But at least for today my muscles have strength and I can clean.
Kids calling to me. Putting voice to their needs.
"Please turn the dryer on wrinkle release, Mom!"
"Can you make my lunch?"
"Mine too!"
"Leaving my uniform here. Please bring it to the Ortho. appt."
"Remember mom...you're working concession stand tonight!"
"Where's all the stuff you made for bake sale today?!"
Listening I can feel the headache band tighten.
But at least for today I can meet these needs. I don't have to reassure them that mommy won't die today.
The scent of peanut butter and the bright lights of the kitchen make me nauseous.
Feel the rolling of my stomach.
But at least for today I know this will pass. Nausea won't be my daily companion.
Throwing on my sweats, I cringe as I catch a glance in the mirror.
Bed head hair, dark circled eyes, and bigger than desired body.
Wondering how I can blend in so nobody sees me as I drive to school.
But at least for today I have hair, and my body isn't wasting away from disease.
Tasks and thoughts tumbling through my head.
To do lists forming, growing longer and some panic creeping in.
How will I can all this done today...especially with this migraine?
But at least for today I'm not riding to a CAT scan to find out if my tumor is shrinking or continuing to grow.
Perspective is always something that is needed.
My friend Carrie is going through all of my "but at least for today thoughts".
So although I can't rip this tumor out of her... I can't rid her body of this horrible disease...
At least for today I can pray for her.
At least for today I can love her.
At least for today I can do all I need to do in honor of her because for at least today she isn't able to do these things
**These are the thoughts in my head...unedited. Carrie, a wife and mom of 2 young children is fighting a battle with advanced cancer. She is so loved. She is so needed. Today is her CAT scan. She's had 8 weeks of chemo with 10 more weeks to go. If you are someone who prays I ask you to please send up a prayer for her although you don't know her. She has dark hair, blue eyes and a beauty of both face and spirit that lights up a room. She is a prayer warrior and prays for countless others every day. I'm asking that the prayers be for her today. Thank you so much to all who can pray.
Blessings~
Kristi
Linking up with Write On Edge
Linking up with Pour Your Heart Out
Linking up with Just Write
This is the fifth installment of Just Write, an exercise in free writing your ordinary and extraordinary moments. {Please see the details and some examples here.} I would love to read your freely written words so join me and link up.
Linking up with dVerse....a really cool community of poets. Drop in
and sit a spell.
My head tightening in that familiar ache...Migraine Day.
Shuffling in the semi~dark I find my pills and swallow.
But at least for today I can administer this medication on my own.
No nurse wearing plastic gloves as she places toxic fluid marked with a warning label into my veins.
Waking up the kids who don't want to wake I see the dirty dishes piled in the sink and overflowing onto the surrounding counter.
Messes are in every room. Every. Room.
But at least for today my muscles have strength and I can clean.
Kids calling to me. Putting voice to their needs.
"Please turn the dryer on wrinkle release, Mom!"
"Can you make my lunch?"
"Mine too!"
"Leaving my uniform here. Please bring it to the Ortho. appt."
"Remember mom...you're working concession stand tonight!"
"Where's all the stuff you made for bake sale today?!"
Listening I can feel the headache band tighten.
But at least for today I can meet these needs. I don't have to reassure them that mommy won't die today.
The scent of peanut butter and the bright lights of the kitchen make me nauseous.
Feel the rolling of my stomach.
But at least for today I know this will pass. Nausea won't be my daily companion.
Throwing on my sweats, I cringe as I catch a glance in the mirror.
Bed head hair, dark circled eyes, and bigger than desired body.
Wondering how I can blend in so nobody sees me as I drive to school.
But at least for today I have hair, and my body isn't wasting away from disease.
Tasks and thoughts tumbling through my head.
To do lists forming, growing longer and some panic creeping in.
How will I can all this done today...especially with this migraine?
But at least for today I'm not riding to a CAT scan to find out if my tumor is shrinking or continuing to grow.
Perspective is always something that is needed.
My friend Carrie is going through all of my "but at least for today thoughts".
So although I can't rip this tumor out of her... I can't rid her body of this horrible disease...
At least for today I can pray for her.
At least for today I can love her.
At least for today I can do all I need to do in honor of her because for at least today she isn't able to do these things
**These are the thoughts in my head...unedited. Carrie, a wife and mom of 2 young children is fighting a battle with advanced cancer. She is so loved. She is so needed. Today is her CAT scan. She's had 8 weeks of chemo with 10 more weeks to go. If you are someone who prays I ask you to please send up a prayer for her although you don't know her. She has dark hair, blue eyes and a beauty of both face and spirit that lights up a room. She is a prayer warrior and prays for countless others every day. I'm asking that the prayers be for her today. Thank you so much to all who can pray.
Blessings~
Kristi
Linking up with Write On Edge
Linking up with Pour Your Heart Out
Linking up with Just Write
This is the fifth installment of Just Write, an exercise in free writing your ordinary and extraordinary moments. {Please see the details and some examples here.} I would love to read your freely written words so join me and link up.
Linking up with dVerse....a really cool community of poets. Drop in
and sit a spell.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Lessons from Mom
1. Date your husband~ My mom and dad are not the mushy, never "raise your voice at each other" type of couple. They are feisty, real, funny....and they adored us. Yet, they never failed to make time for each other. I can remember watching my mom blot her lipstick on a piece of Kleenex leaving perfect kiss prints. With a spray of perfume, a word to the babysitter, and a smile as bright as the sun she would float through the door with my dad. Sometimes it was Dance Club, or dinner with friends, or even a house party with adult laughter and dancing. Whatever it was I felt secure in their love as I watched them head out the door...and I knew that tonight was the night that I got to eat frozen Banquet Mac & Cheese for dinner. Yes! Life was good.
2. Faith~ The foundation for her life. Never preachy or judgemental. Just a steadfast belief that God was always with her...every step of the way. As I grew older and learned more about my mom's life and losses I was amazed that she survived with such grace and not a trace of bitterness. The reason? Her spirit is one with God. Church was (and still is) her second home. It became mine also.
3. Nurture your friendships with women~ As much as she loves my dad my mom also loves her girlfriends. Some of my earliest memories are of those ladies laughing, crafting, playing games, drinking coffee, and always talking. She values her friendships, and now at 80 years old, has seen too many of those women pass away. There is the sadness, but overshadowing all of that, is the happiness they shared. Friendship is so worth the risk and inevitable pain.
4. Keep it clean and tidy~ Well....let's be honest. She taught this, I try to live it, but she is a Ninja cleaner. I can only aspire to be like her someday in this respect. I loved having the cleanest and best-smelling home in the neighborhood. Bottom line is she taught me to take care of what God has blessed me with.
5. Different people show love in different ways~ My mom was not a speaker of "I love you" as I grew up. Actually my dad was the distributor of abundant affection and loving words. My mom, having never experienced that as a young girl, wasn't as comfortable. Yet, I never doubted her love or even noticed that she didn't say the words often. She showed it, with every fiber of her being, by lavishing her attention on all of us kids. She showed me that love is a verb. You "do" it...not just say it.
7. Cook~ I know most of us think our moms are the best cooks in the world. Mine really is! :)
8. A few curls and a little lipstick never hurt anyone~ This line used to drive my up the wall! My mom always looks pretty and put together. I, on the other hand, am very comfortable running into the grocery store sans makeup sporting a ponytail. Even as an adult, when I see my mom she is likely to remark, "Oh honey, you look so pretty. I love it when you put a few curls in your hair." I think I've finally learned at 44 years of age, it isn't about the hair and lipstick. It's about the fact that I'm still her little girl and she wants to "doll me up". Once a mom, always a mom.
9.Inner strength~
"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.” quote from Winnie the Pooh
Pooh summed it up best. My mom tries to tell me this everyday in her own words. Through her inner strength she has shown me mine.
10. I am loved....just the way I am~ I wasn't the smartest kid in my class, or the most athletic, or Homecoming queen. I didn't win any scholarships, become famous, or earn a million dollars. Yet, my mom's eyes light up every time I step in the room. She makes me feel adored....and isn't that about the best thing a mother can make her child feel? Although she knows my faults, she focuses on my strengths. She makes me feel as if I'm more than enough. I am her blessing, and in that truth I feel blessed.
*I know this is lengthy, and sentimental, and probably filled with a million cliches. Yet, I needed to write this for myself....and maybe for my mom. At the age of 80 (almost 81) she deserves an entire book about how amazing she is. I condensed it for this post! :)
2. Faith~ The foundation for her life. Never preachy or judgemental. Just a steadfast belief that God was always with her...every step of the way. As I grew older and learned more about my mom's life and losses I was amazed that she survived with such grace and not a trace of bitterness. The reason? Her spirit is one with God. Church was (and still is) her second home. It became mine also.
3. Nurture your friendships with women~ As much as she loves my dad my mom also loves her girlfriends. Some of my earliest memories are of those ladies laughing, crafting, playing games, drinking coffee, and always talking. She values her friendships, and now at 80 years old, has seen too many of those women pass away. There is the sadness, but overshadowing all of that, is the happiness they shared. Friendship is so worth the risk and inevitable pain.
4. Keep it clean and tidy~ Well....let's be honest. She taught this, I try to live it, but she is a Ninja cleaner. I can only aspire to be like her someday in this respect. I loved having the cleanest and best-smelling home in the neighborhood. Bottom line is she taught me to take care of what God has blessed me with.
5. Different people show love in different ways~ My mom was not a speaker of "I love you" as I grew up. Actually my dad was the distributor of abundant affection and loving words. My mom, having never experienced that as a young girl, wasn't as comfortable. Yet, I never doubted her love or even noticed that she didn't say the words often. She showed it, with every fiber of her being, by lavishing her attention on all of us kids. She showed me that love is a verb. You "do" it...not just say it.
6. Give of yourself...no strings attached~ My mom's legacy is going to be one of giving. She is famous in our small town for always having the time to send a card, make a visit, cook a meal, dry some tears, or organize any kind of event. If I tried to describe what she gives in her daily life you would think I was exaggerating. Let me just say She. Is. Amazing.
7. Cook~ I know most of us think our moms are the best cooks in the world. Mine really is! :)
8. A few curls and a little lipstick never hurt anyone~ This line used to drive my up the wall! My mom always looks pretty and put together. I, on the other hand, am very comfortable running into the grocery store sans makeup sporting a ponytail. Even as an adult, when I see my mom she is likely to remark, "Oh honey, you look so pretty. I love it when you put a few curls in your hair." I think I've finally learned at 44 years of age, it isn't about the hair and lipstick. It's about the fact that I'm still her little girl and she wants to "doll me up". Once a mom, always a mom.
9.Inner strength~
"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.” quote from Winnie the Pooh
Pooh summed it up best. My mom tries to tell me this everyday in her own words. Through her inner strength she has shown me mine.
10. I am loved....just the way I am~ I wasn't the smartest kid in my class, or the most athletic, or Homecoming queen. I didn't win any scholarships, become famous, or earn a million dollars. Yet, my mom's eyes light up every time I step in the room. She makes me feel adored....and isn't that about the best thing a mother can make her child feel? Although she knows my faults, she focuses on my strengths. She makes me feel as if I'm more than enough. I am her blessing, and in that truth I feel blessed.
*I know this is lengthy, and sentimental, and probably filled with a million cliches. Yet, I needed to write this for myself....and maybe for my mom. At the age of 80 (almost 81) she deserves an entire book about how amazing she is. I condensed it for this post! :)
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