My Song for Today

If you want to skip my words and just get the good stuff go ahead and take a listen.

For any of you still here...I was excited to see this prompt at Mama Kat's Writer Workshop..."Tell us about your song".  As a self described music junkie I could never in a million years just pick one song.  I think I have an ongoing soundtrack that accompanies my life.  Yet, I could pick a song that sums up how I feel exactly at this moment...on this day...in October 2011. 

The song is called "Unafraid" by Amy Grant.  The lyrics are so authentic and the simplicity of the music just touches my heart. I love how she focuses on her husband, then children, then finally her mom while weaving God through the tapestry of the song.

I'm at a stage in my life where fear is popping up at unexpected (and expected)moments.  The fact that I'm trying to raise three teenagers while trying to look out for aging parents may have something to do with that fear. 

I thought I would share three scenes from the last 24 hours of my life coordinating them with each verse. 

1st verse:
     My husband was off work yesterday and we spent some much needed time together.  (Wink! Wink!) He made me feel beautiful with his actions and words.  Enough said about that.

2nd verse:
     Last night my son left to take his girlfriend home.  A few minutes later I get a call from his girlfriend's phone. My immediate thought was...car accident! I said hello...my heart in my throat...and he took a moment to answer.  I immediately went into "mom panic voice". 
    "Cam!! Are you alright?? Talk to me! What's wrong?"  (Praying that there is someone out there who can relate to this so I don't feel completely crazy!)  He answered, "Just wanted to let you know that my phone died. Didn't want you worrying."  My heart returned to it's regular beat, and I felt foolish.  In my defense though I must say that I have got the accident call before....3 times to be exact...so my fear in not totally unfounded!
    Along with that comes the fear of what each of my kids are doing when they are away from the nest.  Typical teenage behavior does not seem so typical when it's my own children. Couple that with the knowledge that they are still searching, questioning, and testing their wings...and yes, I'm not too proud to admit that they have not always made the best choices. Needless to say there is a little fear going on here at my end.

3rd verse:
    Went to visit my mom and dad this morning.  Just a drop in visit which are the best!  As I sat and watched my mom's hand tremble while she sipped her coffee, then struggle to get dressed, I realized that she is aging every day, and it is very evident now.  My dad then came home and mentioned that he had fallen in the restaurant  parking lot where he meets his buddies each day.  Once again...my heart is in my throat.  Feelings of protectiveness, love, and longing for the days when they were strong and their footsteps sure rose within me.  It was extra hard to say good-bye to them this morning.

    
Among all of these small, everyday events I know that God is woven. 
His words come out of my husbands mouth... 
His watchful eyes are on my children...
His strong hands are there to help lead my parents through this last season of their lives...
and when I take the time to ask Him, to invite Him into my day, 
His love can make me unafraid.

This song is mine today...and I claim it. Hope you enjoy

UNAFRAID

(Amy Grant/Wayne Kirkpatrick)

Woke up this morning

with you in our bed

going over and over

everything you said

Who taught you how to speak

the words that you say

I've always wanted to

be talked to that way

Love has made

has made you unafraid

Watching my children

finding their way

thru struggles and triumphs

and heartbreak

I hope the roads they take

Are making them strong

I'll still be on my knees

Long after they're gone

Love has made

Love has made

Love has made

Has made me unafraid

My lovely mother

Is getting on in years

And the way her body's aging

brings her girls to tears

The way she trembles with

each effort she makes

She just says Heaven's

getting closer each day

Love has made

Love has made

Love has made

Has made her unafraid

Love could make

Love can make

Love will make

Make you unafraid…

 

Best Laid Plans....Again

I had the best of plans.

I posted that I was "baaaacckkk" a week ago after a long absence.

I couldn't wait to get back to my comfy chair, my writing desk that has my favorite inspirational items on it, and blog happy posts
 to my heart's content.

I was excited to participate in Six Word Fridays, Mama Kat,
Sunday Citar, and The Red Dress Club.
I was thrilled at the thought of reconnecting with my blogging friends.
I thought I had it all planned.

Then I got the early morning phone call.

Phone calls that come in the darkness of night

or first breath of dawn

are rarely ones that we want to answer.

It was a call I had been anticipating,
but not emotionally prepared for.

A very close friend of mine was taken to the hospital.
Her cancer has spread from her cervix....to her spleen...to her lungs.
She got the news that life for her was soon to be over.
Two weeks to ten months is what the experts say.

She is young....36 years old.
She  has a wonderful husband....Lucas.
She has two beautiful children....
Noah...8 years old
Emily...5 years old
She has a faith that is inspiring to all around her.
She has a beauty that shines from within.
Her name is Carrie...
and she is loved.

So those plans I had been making fell to the wayside...
as they should.
Carrie and Lucas are part of our small church group.
In fact Lucas and I lead the group of 9.
We always say we are a family, and this was the time to show that.
The phone calls started.
The 3 hour round trips to the hospital began.
The holding of hands, wiping of tears, praying of hearts, and
finding laughter in the darkness began.

The journey of saying goodbye began.

I have never been on this journey before.
I've never sat with and loved someone as they faced death.
No matter how heart wrenching,
I know it is a gift...
and a privilege...
and a time of grace.
 Still I couldn't help but think of plans.

How will we do this?
How will we do that?
How do we ease the burdens...lighten the load...show the love?
And in a moment of clarity,
I heard Him.

Don't plan...just be.

Be present in each moment
whether busy doing tasks that need to be done,
or offering comfort and shared prayers,
just be.

So, my best laid plans have changed.
My planned post topics have changed.
Life has changed for us all.
I know there are lessons I am to learn
on this journey.
And I ask for your wisdom, patience, and prayers as we
travel along.

I am going to do my best to start visiting all of you again.
I need the connection.
I need the inspiration.
I need the laughter.
I need to just be.
And you, my blogging friends, help me with all of that.
I'll be seeing you!

Learning From the Young

When do we start to worry
about this need to be right?
Twenty-five kindergartners, bright eyes...shining..bursting
Hands flying up in the air
With nary a thought of "rightness".
Wanting their voices to be heard
Confident in their thoughts and answers.

Flash forward: middle school: less hands
are flying up in the air.
The smell of fear, embarrassment, humiliation
is wafting through the hormonal air.
Wondering if their answer is right.
Wondering if their hair is right.
Wondering if their clothes are right.
Wondering if they, themselves, are right.

Flash forward: adulthood: same basic worry
Just more subtle, just more grown-up.
Eyes scanning the conference room, checking
Eyes scanning the other women....checking
Eyes scanning their whole day...checking.
Do I fit? Am I right?

We can learn from the young.
We can embrace their bursting enthusiasm
Their philosophy that of course they're
Right. Just as they are. Right.
Because "right" isn't the best answer.
It isn't the best clothes... hair.
Job...children...church...talent...house...car.
Right is accepting ourselves as is.
Letting our own uniqueness shine out.
Secure in the knowledge that God
Created us exactly "right" for Him.

Inspired by:  Six Word Fridays~ word of the week is "right".

Linked to: http://dversepoets.com/2011/08/02/openlinknight-3/

Sabbath: 2011

Just the word.....Sabbath....brings back memories... of Little House on the Prairie and The Waltons.  It also makes me remember one of my favorite books, All Of a Kind Family, which featured a Jewish family living their lives on New York's Upper East Side before the outbreak of WWI. 

To me that fact alone shows me that I view the Sabbath as something old fashioned...not relevant to my world today.....and that makes me sad.  I think the word Sabbath is a beautiful one.  A word that invokes feelings of peace, dinners shared with extended family, honor, and ......guilt.  Ahhh yes, guilt! Because I know in the pace of our life we don't seem to embrace the Sabbath as we should.

Too many times our family Sabbath is a time of catching up on chores....shopping....preparing for the next week.....just plain ole' busyness. Or we separate. Each of us finds an activity that we like, and we retreat to our corners (or various rooms as it may be) to engage in the alone... for hours... alone!  It's easy to live this type of Sabbath  because it is how most of the people around us celebrate it.  Yes, we do go to church in the morning...and sometimes even do another church related activity. But is that really at the heart of what God said when He commanded us to "Honor the Sabbath Day"? 

In my world of  "do it all, be all, and help all" I think I've lost what the heart of the Sabbath is.  In my world I don't even call it the Sabbath but rather Sunday...another day of the week.  And that makes me sad....because, deep in my heart, I know it's more than that.

I don't want to romanticize it, make it another "event" that I have to shine up or perform within. I definitely don't want to make it an empty ritual that I feel guilt-ridden about. I just want to feel it....and in taking the time to be in the moment, really feel it, I believe I will feel God Himself. I will be at communion with Him...and be able to receive the very refreshment He longs to give me.

This sounds very pretty....and even pretty religious.  But that's not what I'm striving for.  I want to be practical, real, authentic.  I want to experience the Sabbath in the year 2011...right now...not like the Waltons or the Ingels. I want to experience it as Kristi....with my husband and unpredictable teenagers.  As simple as that sounds I'm a little lost as to what this means.  Maybe I need to pray more on it...read a bit more...and really let God teach me what that means.

Taking back control of our Sundays...our Sabbaths isn't going to be easy.  But then nothing really worth having is.  My Sabbath dream is just that ....a dream of cozy family dinners after church...of a day without the interruptions of texting, phones, computers, televisions and all the other  things that can come between real human to human contact...a day of prayer and play...a day of walking closer with Him and letting Him fill me up with His wonder....a day of connection.

I've seen books on this topic and although I don't want to hide in another "how-to" book I must admit that books inspire me! So I'm debating on ordering this one....or maybe this one...or this one....or...

See how easy it is for me to let activity take over the process of just being?!
 No answers today...just questions..
.but maybe, just maybe,
 God is smiling
 because I'm taking the time to ask them.

My Prayer

   
Lights down dim….Night time prayers …in his race car bed for one… with his list of “ God bless mommy, daddy, trains”….

Watching his eyes of blue closed tight…praying for wishes and sweet dreams…so confident that God would always listen.

The sweetness of those kisses and the purity of those prayers….no one told me on which night they all would end.

My little boy grew bit by bit….and lost a piece of innocence…and it happened when I wasn’t even looking.

So Father …now it’s me… with eyes of blue closed tight and praying…feeling as if I’m in a game of Hide and Seek.

Looking for my baby boy ….who is lost and so unsure …although he thinks he knows exactly where he is.

I know that You still see him even though he won’t see You.

And I know You listen to his heart since he’s not speaking.

Please keep holding tight to him…. As he runs, explores, and grows.  Lead him home to You…and help him become a man.



*This was inspired by a teenager who has given up faith in any Higher Power*

Shared on:  Poetry Potluck