New Year's Eve In the Spring

Spring...similiar to New Year's Eve.

For it's much anticipated new beginning

Feeling that life offers new chances.

Missing is the intense build up.

Watching the clock for the moment

When midnight strikes and fireworks explode.

Instead it's a gently unfolding process.

Daily greening with buds slowly unfurling.

Much like the becoming we experience

As we run, crawl, and dance

Through this blessing we call life.

Spring offers the gently prodding reminder.

It's not about a magical minute.

It's about the many magical minutes

That have helped us to grow.

Linking up to Six Word Fridays: Inspired by the word~ Spring

Sunday Shine

Arise, shine, for your light has come,

and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. (NIV)

Isaiah 60:1

(My word for 2012 is shine.  This verse and image inspires me.)

Linking up with: Sunday at Jumping Tandem and Still Saturday. Come stop by and be inspired!

I Blinked

I blinked.

I blinked and January was over.

In the aftermath of surgeries, holidays, and trips...

of strokes, working, and laundry...

of proms, dinners, and tears...

I woke up and realized that a whole precious month was gone.

And I hadn't taken the time to savor it.

My word for 2011 was create.

Not only did I give birth to this blog

but so many of my everyday moments were focused around that word.

Whether it was a dinner cooked,

a post written,

or

a lesson taught,

I tried to tap into that part of me that longed to create.

My year was made better because of my word.

2012 is a new year...a new word.

The word that seemed to choose me is shine.

Now that may seem an obvious choice since the word is right

in the name of this blog.

Looking back over previous posts I realized how often I wrote of it.

But for me it was a realization.

Shine.

I want to shine.

For God. For my family. For myself.

I need to shine.

For when I shine the world seems a bit warmer...a bit brighter.

Yet, please don't think shine equals perfection.

And please don't think shine translates into performance.

To me shine is being able to lose the dullness that sometimes overtakes me.

To me shine is a reminder to embrace this gift of life

and reflect it's beauty back.

To me shine requires me to be present.

To be in each of the moments of my life.

The heart-stopping joy and

the heart-pinching pain.

So I blinked...

hence, the month of January does not have many moments in which

I shone.

Instead I hid, I wallowed, I disappeared.

Yet,

this "blink and missed it" month does not need to stop me.

 There are still eleven more glorious months

 in which I can center around my word.

Shine.

I think I'm going to like this.



Meeting Myself Once Again

Just dipping my big toe back in.

Feeling a bit shy....a bit scared...a bit nervous.

A familiar feeling that always steals over me after an extended break from my blog.

Yes familiar...but still strange.

This blog is a collection of my musings, my thoughts, my life.

Coming back to it is like coming back to myself.

Maybe that's why the hesitation....the nervousness..creeps in.

For I find when I'm away from my writing I am also away from myself.

That deep self that I don't always take the time to see, to touch, to feel.

So on returning I once again am gazing at my deeper self.

The good...the bad...the beauty and the beast.

I've been away because it was a month of needs.

Needs that I needed to meet.

Needs that left me with little energy to expand on myself.

And that's ok.

I feel blessed that I could be there to help my son heal from two surgeries.

I feel blessed that I could be there to smooth some rough waters for my husband.

I feel blessed that I could help create a mood of joy and thankfulness this Christmas.

(and I feel blessed that I could make a trip to New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl!)

I'm catching up on some friends. 

Babies have been born, memories have been made, beautiful posts have been created.

I could stay up all night just reading and visiting all those I have missed.

But....morning is already creeping in quietly.

I am teaching a class of Young 5's and a kindergarten class for the next 3 months...hence, I need my sleep.

So...I will take a step toward caring for myself by stepping away from the computer and sleeping.

Knowing that I when I awake....this space will still be here.

I've made the initial connection with  my deeper self once again.

It can only get easier from here on in.

Hello everyone.

Hello anyone if you are still out there.

But regardless of it all...

Hello me.

2012 is going to be a year of wonder.

Let the moments begin.

What Is Your Story of Today?

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24

As I was reading the sentence, "What is your story of what happened today?"  my mind dropped a couple words and I read it as, "What is your story of today?"

What is your story of today?

I like that.  A lot.  In fact, I think that is a perfect question to ask. 
To others and to ourselves.
It gives a chance to not only tell what happened but to tell about how we feel.
A chance to tell how we lived the day that God has given.
It's a different twist on the standard "How are you today?" "Fine" exchange that we engage in without conscious thought.

What is your story of today?

It makes me, and hopefully those that I may ask, stop and think for a moment.
For the stories of our days are made up of 86,400 seconds (if I did my math correctly!), and
those seconds are filled with both beauty and ugliness, sadness and happiness, boredom and excitement, chaos and calm.

What is your story of today?

The question gives those of us who love to write a perfect starting point to sort out the
86,400 seconds,
1,440 minutes, and
24 hours
of our day.

And in the sifting and sorting, may we learn to be more mindful, more present, more aware.
It's so easy, especially during this busy season, to rush through our day.
To scrawl our stories so quickly that no one, including us, can read it.
It's a blur of flourishes, run-on sentences, flashes of genius, sentence fragments, and misspellings.
But without our awareness, it remains a mystery to both us and others.

What is your story of today?

I think I may adopt this question...and I may add another.
"Who is writing my story? Me or those around me?
But that...that is a question for another day...another post...another time.

What is your story of today?

That's enough for now.

Linking up with: Sunday at Jumping Tandem. Come stop by and be inspired!

Giving Thanks~Even for Stress

Thanksgiving.
I've been reading the posts all week.
Lists of blessings...beautiful words of thankfullness.
I would smile, nod, and feel a heart connection for I, too, have much to be thankful for.

Yet, rising within me..slowly and silently...came the theif.
Anxiety...stress..whatever I choose to name it...it came.

Hosting the holiday dinner has me stressed and anxious.
Beating myself up for leaving so many things to the last minute.
Certain rooms of our home that I keep closed so the clutter doesn't overwhelm must have the doors flung open to welcome guests.

Anxiety rising.
How will this all come together by tomorrow?
The cleaning, the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning again, and the pressure to create something memorable.
A pressure that I create myself.
Anxiety rising.

Then my eyes fell on the book "A Thousand Gifts".
A book that lit me on fire last March.
A book that cracked my heart open and made me look at life in a different way.
From a place of thanksgiving...Eucharisteo.




I thumbed through the pages...reading the margin notes and Ann Voskamp's words once again.


"Anxiety has been my natural posture, my default stiffness. How I don't fold my hands in prayers...I weld them into tight fists of control.  Always control. How I refuse to relinquish worry, an identity. Worry is the facade of taking action when prayer really is.  And stressed, this pitched word that punctuates every conversation, is it really  my attempt to prove how indispensable I am? Or is it more? Maybe disguising my deep fears as stress seems braver somehow."

I feel this strike a chord in my heart.
But...so does this.


"Eucharisteo precedes the miracle"  


"Thanks is what builds trust"


So for today, before I begin, I want to give thanks.
I want to trust that all will be as it should.
All will go as it is meant to go.

I want to remember why I am preparing our home and a meal. 

It is to give thanks for the beautiful family and friends He has blessed me with.

It is to feel my heart expand with the laughter, the fun, the deep connections that occur while breaking bread together.  

I want everyone around me to feel that gratitude that spills from me... the joy that bubbles up.
And that will only happen, authentically, by releasing the stress...and giving thanks to Him.


I want them to be warmed and to leave carrying more than just leftovers. 

I want them carrying with them the feeling of being well loved.


Linking up with: Pour Your Heart Out

If These Walls Could Speak

"If these old walls,
If these old walls could speak
Of the things that they remember well,
Stories and faces dearly held,
A couple in love
Livin’ week to week,
Rooms full of laughter,
If these walls could speak.

If these old halls,
If hallowed halls could talk,
These would have a tale to tell
Of sun goin’ down and dinner bell,
And children playing at hide and seek
from floor to rafter,
If these halls could speak."       ~ Jimmy Webb 




This week I have done a lot of thinking of the stories that each of us own....how we carry our life story with us...
yet also leave parts of ourselves behind.

Impressions woven into the walls and floorboards.

My childhood home~ innocence, baby dolls, safety, belonging,

Our newlywed apartment~dreams, fresh beginnings, burnt dinners

Our first home~ two baby boys, late night feedings, dancing in the living room

Our second home~ one baby girl, toddler squeals, bleary eyes, full hearts

Our apartment and townhouse half a world away~ new flavors, new language, same beautiful love

And finally...

The home that holds the majority of my children's childhood~ growth, traditions, laughter and hope

All of them hold a part of me within their walls.
All of them are part of my history.
All of them would have tales to tell.

And...

For all of them I give thanks.

May Christ through your faith dwell (settle down, abide, make His permanent home) in your hearts!

May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love (AMP)

Ephesians 3:17

I

If you want to listen here is Amy Grant's beautiful rendition.

She shares a beautiful story for the first couple minutes...

then the song begins.

Enjoy!

For Sunday Citar this week I'm actually posting song lyrics rather than a spoken quote. I think it still counts!

Linking up with: Sunday

Linking up with: Hear it on Sunday.Use it on Monday

Own Our Story

Each and every day we write

Without paper or the written word.

Our lives become our sacred stories

and we alone are the author.

Filling our moments with mindless busyness...

Living our days in a fog...

Being unaware of all our moments...

Makes our beloved stories one dimensional.

For our story to be vivid

We must live fully, purposefully, prayerfully.

Listen to forgiveness, unleash our joy

Ask for that which we need

Without apology, embarrassment, or over explanation.

Give freely, joyously, without any reservation

Or the giving is in vain.

Have courage and share our hearts.

Laugh uproariously, smile with our eyes.

Be authentic in all we do.

Remembering that every story worth reading

Must contain both joy and sorrow.

The shadows that will sometimes cover

Twist... turn...then explode with light.

Each and every story is different

Unique to the person who writes.

So comparisons are pointless and fruitless.

For our story...is OUR story.

No one else can write it.

No one else can live it.

Today as I wake and wander

I anchor myself with the belief

That awareness coupled with abiding faith

Will help my story come alive

With a sense of wonder and awe.

On this day I will choose

To own my captivating, precious story.

Linking up with: Six Word Fridays~ inspired by the word "story"

Come drop in  to  The Pub at dVerse

Nightmares to Simplify to Gratitude: A Journey

I've been sitting here...for far too long.
Lost in all the blogs.
Lost in all the snippets of dreams, hopes, laughter, and tears.

But then I look at the clock and realize that time is flying...
and I had big plans for today.
Plans that have yet to materialize since my bottom is oh-so-comfortable in my writing chair.
I hope that if maybe...just maybe...I put those plans out here I will actually get working on them.

Accountability.  It's a good thing.

My house is in disarray.
Actually, our house is crying out to me it is in such disarray.
And actually, I had a dream the other night that I phoned home and my oldest son had adult acquaintances in our home organizing and cleaning it.

It was nightmare...I kid you not!
I woke up mad at my poor son, and with the realization that I would be mortified if people came into our home and started poking around.
A bit like getting in that accident with dirty underwear that mom always warned me about.


Seriously, there is Just. Too. Much.

I don't want to complain for having a life filled with blessings and more than enough when there are others who don't have the near enough with which to live.

But I have to say again that it is Just. Too. Much.

Gratitude turns what we have into enough.

This quote is going to be my guiding principal today.

I'm going to ask myself, as I sift through the stuff that makes up our life...

Is it something that brings energy to us or takes energy away?

Is it something that I'm truly grateful for...

or is it just more stuff?

I'm going to restore some order to our home with the hope that some order will return to me mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Just. Too. Much.

makes me feel like

Just. Not. Enough.

Not enough energy to keep up,

not enough discipline to accomplish this,

and not enough confidence that I can actually simplify.

Gratitude turns what we have into enough.

I truly believe this. Now my home needs to reflect it.

I'm diving in...wish me luck!

Linking up with: Just Write~ The Extraordinary Ordinary
             

                 Pour Your Heart Out
                


Saving Worries

Wrapping my family up in worries
is what I unintentionally always do.

These worries are fully, completely mine.
I hold them tightly, selfishly, desperately.
Thinking that my worries will protect,
save them from any harmful mistakes,
or from all those horrific accidents,
illnesses, and events that fill newspapers.

Worries will not save my family.
Worries will not protect my world.

For when the mistakes come up.
The illnesses suddenly, silently creep in.
Accidents occur because that's just life.
All those worries that I wrapped
become wasted time and lost energy.

Saving them is not my job.
Loving them is my ultimate calling.
For it's by loving them well
they'll have confidence to save themselves.

Linking up to: Six Word Fridays~ Inspired by the word~Saving